the hate that i have for myself is growing by the second... i'm just SO FUCKING SICK of myself.

why does everything that i deem so important matter so much? in the long run, it really doesn't..but for some reason, it seems like these tiny little things that go wrong are going to tear my world apart.

really, why do i care so much what other people think of me? if the old lady in Donnie Darko is right and every living thing on this earth dies alone, why am i so worried about everyone else? why do i care about these stupid relationships that the other people don't even value? WHY AM I SO LONELY? if i'm going to end up by myself, why does it matter how other people see me?...it should only matter what i think of myself...

but then again, in either case, i'm fucked.. i can't make anyone else happy and God knows i can't please myself.

i just can't stop pissing myself off...the way i look, the way i talk, the way i act, the way i think...just...EVERYTHING. i hate myself.

and if i have one more person telling me i'm beautiful or i'm their best friend or they love me...i think i might shoot myself in the face. the last thing i need is someone feeding me lines.

maybe someday i can really make someone happy...